Friday, October 03, 2008,4:25 pm
it's been awhile since i got around to reading other people's blogs and everything.
maybe because of last night.
or maybe because i've seeing the very things i've been avoiding a little bit too much this week .
):
hm, there's an irony i've realised.
its usually during the exams,
and when you're seriously stuck with things you dont want to do.
that you truly value time,
and cherish the many other important things in your life that you should do.
ahha,
but when its all said and done.
you still dont do it when you have time again.
anyway, was supposed to go to cheong's house today.
we had planned a fun day to sit and watch dramas all day,
and then attempt to study through the night.
hais,
but the whole family went out.
so had to stay home.
hm, maybe part of me didnt feel like going out too.
last night.
it was the first time i've cofronted myself in a long time.
a long time since i managed to take a back seat to my life.
and see where i'm going.
i dont think im making much sense to the people reading :x
sorry.
anyway,
i saw you both on tuesday.
it was a strange coincidence.
seriously strange.
but i forced myself not to think of it.
but,
i think its become such an intuitive instinct that i will cry whenever i see you.
and then on thursday was when everything flooded back to me.
after shopping with val,
i saat the long 190 to meet zh and cc.
and,
i hate long bus rides cos they make me think. alot.
and then when i remembered seeing you on tuesday,
i thought back of the night gl called me.
even though he didnt spell it out for me,
what he implied was true.
as much as i hate to admit it, it is true.
i hate myself for it.
i dont know why he likes to torture me,
calling me after so long.
and reminding me of this again,
but, he did yeah.
it's like a whole cycle that keeps repeating.
anyway, i started to cry.
i think the people on the bus must have thought i was weird.
the truth was, gl was right.
with this thought i got off the bus
just seeing cc and zh again made me feel happier. ahaha.
and we were laughing and joking like old times.
managed to change their minds to watch eagle eye instead! haha.
and it was quite super goood.
though the ending spoilt the movie . haha .
we were all really unsatisfied with the ending,
except shuni. hah. she liked the ending.
but, just before the movie began.
as we sat at the food junction.
i saw you again.
right opposite me.
i was in total shock.
and then i felt those tears coming back.
i totally didnt know what to do.
and cc and zh didnt make it any better.
everything i thought i put behind me flushed back into my mind.
and all before the movie ,
you were EVERYWHERE.
when we went down, you were there.
when we went up , you were there.
you even brushed right past me!
couldnt concentrate through the movie.
couldnt think straight on the way home.
aiya, okayokay. i dont want to think about such things. haha.
when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade!
i'm determined to make this time different!
i wont just be someone's float.
.
.
but, i know there hasnt been a closure
& i probably will if it happened again .
spiritality : having the mind of Christ.
where's mine ?
heartofGodchurch